Whenever my mom gets sick, I get so worried to loose her. I’ll be present for her every step of the way but I start thinking about how my father went to the hospital and never came back. It’s just this thing that you can’t get over it .
When my mom gets sick as much as I’m here for her I start to distance myself as well just in case anything happen I would be okay.
To my fellow lovebugs who have lost a parent; I know the struggle. It’s hard to see them going through anything; it’s seems that you’re constantly living in the fear of losing the only one you have left .
You just have this feeling in your stomach which refuses to go away. This week my mother got sick and she was in a bad condition and I felt like I was transported to June 2014 in a heartbeat when my dad was sick and later that the same day I got a phone call letting me know he’s gone. I just can’t stay positive in that moment, I couldn’t even sleep because I was so worried that she’ll die or something. As tears were rolling down my cheeks, I felt like my life was going to be over. I mean I know it’s not a way to live but I just couldn’t help it. The fear of losing my mom clouded my good judgment. Seriously, I cried for feeling hopeless, helpless, broken and alone without my father.
I’m perfectly conscious it’s not the way to live but I just can’t help to feel like how I feel. All my life I had this fear of losing my parents at a young age and this fear become a reality when my father died.
As I was meditating on the whole situation, I felt like I can’t live like this. I have to just put in my mind we all can go at any time and trust in the Lord that things will work out. Some things are beyond my control, so when things happen I’ll pray that my mother will be okay and things will work out how it supposed to be. My only thing should be that I focused on my mommy and soak every moment that I have with her.
*2 Corinthians 5:7
For we walk by faith, not by sight*