This weekend, I’ve cried more than I can even count; I know, I know, some of you will be shocked to read this.
Depression is real, Ladybugs. It is usually hidden behind the largest smiles or the loudest laughters.
I had not truly experienced depression until my dad died. That first year of him passing away was hell. When I still think about it, I seriously cringe to the core because it seems like the pain keeps coming back.
I’m not writing this blog to whine but to remind you that fighting alone against depression is not the way to go, at all. I’m here to remind you that a shoulder is way better than a pillow or a journal to cry on or vent.
This past 2 weeks, to be exact, have been so hard for me…I miss my dad so much. I couldn’t look at our pictures without crying, because I needed to hear his voice so bad; and it hurts that I couldn’t do so. Some of you might think or say how that can happen since I’m often surrounded by people. Indeed, I’m on the phone 24/7, or outside a lot, because my comfort is there, but it doesn’t stop me from being depressed..
During those weeks, I have reached out, the first time ever, to a few people, specifically people whom I don’t talk to, everyday. I needed to hear from new voices, new positive vibes and thoughts. I cried out for help because I felt like I didn’t understand where I was heading . It seemed like such a blur ; so, I needed to remind myself of what I’m all about . I was an emotional wreck. I mean, any gospel songs would bring me to tears . I hid it well though, since I was being the “Sergine” people prefer to see: always smiling, and acting crazy.
People always tell me that I’m strong. I might be and it always feels good to hear (an ego thing, I guess). But, to be honest, some days I don’t have any strength to even roll out of bed or eat. Because it requires too much of me. I’m always scared to tell people because I’m afraid that I won’t be understood.
I’m no expert when it comes to depression but what I’ve learned is:
1- Allow yourself to feel the feels and don’t feel bad for doing so
2- Talk to the people that you love! Though, don’t let just anyone in. Some people can try to abuse you, emotionally; they’ll worsen your state of mind.
I realized that the “talking/venting” part is extremely important. I’m grateful to have been able to grab my phone and call my besties and closest friends. I don’t do it often, but I’m learning.
To me, all this was a *set back*. I’m dedicated to BE BETTER. It might be hard but I’m a fighter. Besides, I’ve learned from the best – My Dad. Giving up is NOT an option.
For the last 8 years, so many things have changed that some days I look forward to catching a break and I can’t seem too …
Remember: You’re not defined by what you’ve been through. Instead, they are making you into the person that you are, today !!!
Talking about depression is really big because the culture that I grew up in, mental health is not something that we talk about. We don’t like raising awareness about it. Also, it is a journey for me to openly admit to this. I’m not perfect or always happy, so I don’t want people to see me as such. I’m naturally a smiling person but I have a lot of rough days. If you are battling depression, please don’t give up and talk to people! It’s not an easy step .. but please do.
Lady Sergine 💋🌹