Me

What being 24 taught me : F%*& everybody

In 2 months from now, I’m going to be 25 years old; and ughh it makes me nervous to even think about it. Lol. Though, it feels like it was just yesterday that I was running around getting in trouble because I was that annoying kind of child.

I have been on this earth for quite some time now, and oh boy, I have learned so much about myself & others! I have learned to LOVE myself and comprehend that nothing is eternal on this earth, except  memories. People come and go,mistreat, lie, die etc. I’ve learned, that I, myself, also can hurt others and do terrible things at times. That’s why for my 25th birthday, I’m making a vow to apologize, let go of certain people, and move on 🤷🏾‍♀️.

 Also, I’ve been thinking a lot about where I stand in my life when it comes to who I want to be. I am at that point in my life where I’m okay with losing and forgiving people, and  accepting and welcoming changes. Some of you might wonder about what I mean by saying “I’m okay with losing people”, so let me explain: by this, I mean I’m done trying to please or be what people want me to be. I am tired of allowing people to make me doubt myself; I’m tired of being unappreciated. I’m turning 25, I’m done trying to be what people want me to be or EXPLAINING myself.

I am okay with where and who I am. Why should I keep making people believe in me or see me for who I am? If someone doesn’t  want to see the person that I am, well that’s up to that person.  I am not saying that I’m perfect because ugh I’m not:  I am perfectly flawed.

Listen, I hate going out or being around people a lot, arguing or fighting (I’m not scared but I don’t want to have to apologize). I hate events. For me to show up anywhere, it requires a lot from me, especially on a psychological or mental level. Sometimes, to not hurt people’s feelings, I admit that I can lie to get out of any “going out” because  80% of the time I have no desire to go.

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”— Helen Keller

 I am going to be 25, which means I look forward to peace, happiness, adventures, and true/great love (yep, I said it). Most importantly, I look forward to be in a good place with the Lord.

I am done trying to be this or that for anyone. If you feel like I’ve pulled away from you, I’m sorry darling, I just feel that there’s no reason we should be friends or have any sort of relationships if you have always been pointing out my flaws. To avoid treating you like ish, distancing myself is a favor. Let’s just break those unhealthy habits … I’m tired of keeping relationships for the sake of “I’ve known you for so long.” I’m tired of forcing myself to be around anyone whom I don’t feel comfortable with.

 I’m going to be a quarter of a century, which means my priorities have changed for the better. I’m trying to evolve from this petty girl that I have been.LOL. 25 is all about positivity.

I’m grateful for the people that I have in my life and I’m happy with just them. People think I’m naive when I easily allow other people to enter my life. In reality, I can remove you from my life as easily as you enter the moment you mess up; and guess what, I won’t feel guilty for it at all. By the way, I salute the courage of my mother for the times she tries to make me reopen my heart to someone.

I’m going to be 25, which means I’ve learned to stop APOLOGIZING for being the person that I am. I always try my best to let people know how I feel but in response, I mostly get hit with “you are so sensitive,” or “you are so dramatic.” What they don’t understand, it’s that I’m establishing BOUNDARIES. Even though we are the closest/ best of friends, there’s a minimum of respect I expect.

 

“Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.”-Bruce Lee

Here’s the thing: when you disinvite disrespect,  people make you think you are overdoing it; but, nope! It’s a part of Self-care. It’s truly important to know when to say enough is enough. I’m not forcing relationships (whether it is with friends, family or co-workers) anymore. I’m okay with people being not okay with the new IMPROVED ME.
So much has happened over the course of the past 10 years. I’m working on me and while I do, I answer fewer phone calls, I delete numbers, I stop talking but start listening, and I am making sure that I’m not inviting just anybody into my life. I believe that I’m a pretty amazing friend, but to be the best me that I can possibly be, I have to stop giving too much and trying to be what people want me to be.
I’m broken and I would like to not feel like this anymore. I can count on my hands how many people who genuinely text to check on me.
 In this life, everything is 50/50 so I’m done giving more than I should.
This year,  I’m rebuilding me while surrounding myself with people who will understand that I’m always going to be grieving, for example.People I don’t need to apologize to when I’m crying. I’m making space for people who are not trying to change me. Most importantly, I’m learning to say No if I don’t want to do it. I need people who see me for who I am ( loud and quiet at the same time, happy, funny, depressed, sometimes adventurous, snob, grieving 50% percent of the time, and flake lol because I don’t be showing up to events) I’m not asking people to accept all my bads but I’m asking to love me through it. I’m CHOOSING me in the end!
Farewell to 24 old me: the broken and pushover one, the people pleaser,and the one who allows people to GUILT trip her . Thank you to those who helped me while I was at my lowest! This was not to anyone specially rather the lessons Ive learned last year. Don’t stay anywhere that you feel your soul is dying ( jobs, friendships, relationships, family). Life is short❤️
Love, xoxo
Lady Sergine 🌹💋
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4 thoughts on “What being 24 taught me : F%*& everybody”

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